Sunshine*

I woke up soonago- feeling tired and excited at the same time. Then I realized it is Monday, the day when everyone else is having their “Monday Mania” while I just happen to be unaffected. Smile. My class starts at 10, which means I still have 2 hours away of sleeping. Only that I won’t. My mind appears to be full of beans right now to feel sleepy again. No kidding. The bed looks good and all tempting, but I’ve gotta get up somehow. I’ve been sleeping for so long over the weekend as much as I’ve been staying up late, thanks to mid-exam (which in turn has caused my brains a major breakdown afterwards). Grin.

Well, the sun has yet turned up this morning. At least, it’s not looking all too brightly. The pine trees look plain stiff, though, as if sleeping to dream. Hmm. There weren’t many white clouds, either. Usually, they will slow-dance around the sky, intermingling with the bright sunlight that is gradually showing up every morning. Perhaps, it’s not yet noon. Indeed. Somehow, the clouds make great combos with the trees and the birds, etc- almost seeming picture perfect. Ahh, I just love mornings.

I smile upon recalling what Jason wrote about waking up in the sun and how he savours every moment of aloneness:-

I woke up skipping today, talking to myself and happy to see that all of my houseguests are still sleeping. I will make them pancakes.

I love being alone in the kitchen in the early morning. All I can hear is the dragging of my feet on the tile and the echo of cups, pans, and the backwards kiss of the refrigerator door when I pull it open, tearing at it's suction and painting a light across the floor.The first light of the earth appears just outside of my back door at the edge of the yard. I'm there for it often to see it arrive after a long night out. I..m lucky to live so close to the sun. It..s a good neighbor.

Sunrise and Sunset are the best hours of light for your body and mind because it is light you can actually ingest by looking at it, into it and it into you, absorbing its remarkable resources thru your pupils. Other times of day the light will just burn your eyeballs out. That's Awesome.

It occurs to me that sunlight seems to be just as important as food. You sense the light with your eyes while your sensory information does the analysis. It comes right into your eyes and through your pupil and your skin begins to feel the heat all the same. All this is known. What is not known is, why, after about a minute, this unseen movement of light brings about the smile on my face. Ahh. It’s just amazing that you should be feeling all this at once. Owh, wait, it is a blessing. Wink.

keeps shining,

r_L

..looking up and about*

... I took a few hundred shots of the sky from outside my window room. They looked so awesome that I know I have to have them here. By the way, I purposely put them all in one and have them arranged accordingly (to time taken in one day) from dawn to dusk... and yea, they do look awesome.

...why, the sky has never looked so lovely.

r_L

Happy New Year~

I had a blast on my first day of New Year- I went out with my girlfriend, Cik Yana ( the kind of calling we use for each other) at the not-so-great- MidValley (we couldn’t think of other place since everything was a rush). Well, I don’t intend to tell you every bit of the details (though I’d love to) –just so you know, it was overall… awesome. Grin.

Frankly speaking, I did not want to go. No, you didn’t read it wrong. I did not want to go. Okay, maybe "not wanting" sounds too strong, but I was uncertain on going for several reasons:-

Reason 1: I have exams.
Reason 2: I have exams.
Reason 3: I have exams.

..alright, I lied. Just one reason. One BIG reason not to go.

But I did.

Anyways, I promised to myself (profusely) to study afterwards (though I’m not sure if I could keep it) just to seek the “right feeling” before going. You know, we feel this at times… and it’s just in…evi...table. Smile.

So, when we met, it was like the world had stopped (as in really stopped). It seemed like ages since we last saw each other. Why, I missed her so much (!) Okay, so we talked. We ate. We laughed. We hugged. We walked until we broke. We did the all the 'usual stuff', except that we didn't watch any movie. Well, it seemed that neither of us was really up for it and that we apparently had a lot to talk about. *chuckle* All in all, we had fun. And I didn’t regret one bit about going out that day.

But if only Cik Siti were there, too. :(

…well, at least we had fun FOR her. (I’m thinking of sending her some of our pictures, later. Hmm.)

By the way, it felt really nice that we had so much to talk and that we couldn’t stop. Until the resolution thingy came up-..and the conversation went dead. As in really dead.

But luckily, it was just for 2 seconds. Then we both laughed hard. (I think the whole mall could hear us, ay)

WHY, WE BOTH HAD PROBLEMS WHEN IT COMES TO THIS.

So when I got home, here’s what I thought for my so-called resolutions:-

My Resolutions (2007)

1. I won’t procrastinate.
2. I’ll put more and more effort in every single thing I do.
3. I’ll live a great life.

Well, I guess my list goes shorter and shorter as the year goes. Why, I don’t see the point of making a “list” at all. I know this sounds very pessimistic but I just don’t see it coming. I think it’s a bit odd to suddenly plan your life in the beginning of the year and see how it turn out in the end. Personally, I feel that as you get older, the harder it gets to make ANY resolution. What I’m trying to say is that resolutions don’t work for me anymore. Okay, so there I’ve said it. At least, not much. Buy hey, if this works for you, go ahead. I’m just trying to figure out better ways to improve my ‘oh-so-unmotivated life’. Pun unintended.

Aih, I’m getting sooo old. AND pathetic. I know. ((Sigh))

…

Okay, so here’s what I think. Rather than making any resolutions, I’ll just do and observe. Yup, I’ll do what I feel best and see how it goes. If this is not going to work, either, I’ll just kill myself at the end of the year.

Alright. Just kidding, ay. *smile*

I love life so much to end it. Yes, at least I know that for sure. I love life as much as I love myself. So suicidal thought is the last option to end my life.

Well, okay, maybe, I don’t think I have loved myself much. Otherwise, all the resolutions would have worked in the first place. Hmm, maybe here’s what I’ll do- I’ll just have to love myself more and more each day. I believe, when I have loved myself truly enough, there rest will come along its way to find its place in me.

Ahh, now, now. That makes sense. Only that, it's NOT a resolution (since the word "resolution" has never worked for years)- I'll think of other name, just anything to keep the fantastic. ( So, in this case, I'll let you know later). Smile.

Just adding in:

To Cik Yana, if you're reading this, thanks so much for not only hanging out with me, but most importantly, for showing your random kindness and great understanding. To Cik Siti, though absent, we could still feel your sweet presence in both of us. You two know me best.

Happy New Year,
r_L

...just nice*

Okay, so maybe I’ve been right all along. There are more good people than bad ones.

En fait.

Come to think of it. This morning, I woke up a bit late and realized that today is Eidul Adha. And I was still in bed. (uh, that’s not the nice part, though..I’ve not come to see the real good side of life, yet). Downstairs, I'd already been swept off by the good smell of the hot, steamy fried rice and peppery chicken curry and later, the sweet-sour smell that was wafting from the laksa pot. I savoured every moment possible, knowing that this occasion comes only once a year. The taste of teh susu was strangely wonderful today. As if these weren’t good enough to make me blow, minutes later, my mouth watered again as my mom served the special desert of the day-, which was pulut and kuah durian(!) Uh, okay. There, I’ve come to the nice part. Uh, the food was indeed, a nice part, but no, that still wasn’t the “real” nice part anyway. What I meant to say is that, if you think the foods were awesome, so was the cook. Yup, she. My mom. The fact that she managed to cook so well (and I could only be of little help) was totally outstanding. Despite feeling exhausted from work and all, she could still handle things. And not just things here, ay. Loads and loads of nice things. Just how is that possible? How can she give and do so many nice things for us? I mean, how nicer can she be? Most nicest possible.

My point is, you can still see the good or nice things people do around you. And to you, especially. But we barely notice these “little things”, let alone appreciate them, the people you love the most- family. Personally, as much as I love my parents, I just can’t show them how I truly care about them. Not directly, though. Well, egotism is not the issue here, nor am I being disrespectful, it’s just that I can’t really show my affection towards them. I’ve tried to tolerate my “stubbornness” every now and then, but God, it’s just hard. So, I stopped trying at all. I thought, maybe, I will one day. So, in the meantime, I’m just being good, like every kid should. And it doesn’t really seem like a big deal to anyone in the family. Hopefully, I think. All in all, I guess everyone (including me), we certainly have our own ways to deal with people- love, hate, shown or not, is perceptibly subjective. Family has always been my first priority and they are the ones who truly accept me for who I am.

Sometimes, when I think about everything and everyone I’ve ever listened to, I’d have to say your mom has had the biggest influence on me. So maybe, here’s what you could do for me- Give her a high five, will you? She's amazing.

..and owh, Happy Eidul-Adha, everyone.

r_L