here's to daddy

HAPPY FATHER'S DAY!!!


LOVE,

hazirah

Aujourd'hui

Current impression: My Interpretation by Mika

I was waiting for my twin outside a mini grocery store when I noticed the barber’s next to it. It occurred to me that I never went to any barber’s before, knowing that it is intended for male customers only. I wonder why I never wanted to go in there when I was a kid. Or maybe even if I did, my dad usually went there on his own. Well, not that I wanted to get a haircut, of course, but just to see how it was like inside. But then, it would be too weird to do it now. So I just looked from the outside, playing curious as I watched a little boy through a semi-transparent shop window, adjusting to his seat position as he was trying to look as comfortable as he seemed. Apparently the boy looked like many other little boys who would be there for one reason- getting short back and sides. I knew the moment he stepped into the shop, he was acting nonchalant; as though expecting it would happen anyway. He seemed rather unresponsive than excited about getting his haircut done, which he knew it wasn’t going to give him an entirely new look but was believed to feel that way, yet still feeling nervous all the same. I was fulfilled.

It was amazing to see all sorts of expressions on people and trying to figure out what they actually meant. I just found out that there is a basic set of facial expressions that is understood by around much of the world, a minilanguage in which thousands of words are swapped for the six basic expressions of happiness, sadness, fear, surprise, disgust, and anger. Just for the record, I occasionally feel somewhat unaffected. It is neither sad nor happy emotion. Nor anything between the extremes. It’s more like a whatever kind of feeling, y’know. Sheesh. Whatever.

A few days ago, I had this normal conversation with a friend that left me feeling not so normal afterwards. We talked about what’s going on with our lives and what could have happened otherwise. It seemed like I never really knew that one person I thought I did all too well. I was amused to learn some unusual facts that were coming from him or her. Every normal person, in fact, is only normal on the average. His ego approximates to that of the psychotic in some part or other and to a greater extent. It didn’t take long for me to believe that Sigmund Freud couldn’t be anymore right. I thought I knew exactly how to react to certain feelings; I thought I was ready. But when a friend really confronted me about his or her problems, I realized I was far from ready. I didn’t remember all the right words to say or just do anything right at all. It was like despair when I was at work and guilt when I wasn’t. Or maybe, I just can’t handle sadness anymore. So seeing the pain and disappointment so usually leaves me nothing but feeling more unaffected each day. Hmm.

Nonetheless, here’s to today, which is Thursday. Today is blog entry #75. Today is to swing back and forth in the playground. Today is a perfect day to be grateful for what you have and have experienced. Today is for nothing else but to stuff anything edible into your mouth and feel alright about it. Today is a great day to expose a crush you have on someone with hot sauce on the breath.

Tomorrow will be a great day to feel awkward and to figure out how to go back to being just friends.


r_L

the much awaited post

2:18am. Dark in the house. Dark in the room but the computer light shows that nothing stands between me and it so I stride gracefully through the blank space. I throw on my headphones as the system warms up. The San Diegan Singer, Jason Mraz is on stand-by to play. But I'm not pushing start yet. I'm enjoying the quiet the headphones make being in the ear but not on. I love Jason Mraz though. I'm tempted. But I know I'll become distracted and not want to write. I'll likely dive into Zuma or anything else and get nothing accomplished.

It seems like a month since I made a progress on an obvious one-liner that says, “ NIL post for May!”. And just that. *shame* There was no real reason for my not posting a new thread or rather, making any effort to write just about anything. In fact, I did absolutely nothing during the first 2 months. I was too busy figuring out some real things to do all the while trying to put my intuition back into practice. I guess there’s no point in writing anything out when my judgment is more or less worthless. Sigh.

By the by, something did happen during those idyllic episodes of my life alright. My days weren’t that all static or boring as I might have normally exaggerated. Sure, they all were equally interesting and all. Well, maybe not that all amazing that I could write a book about it, duh− you get my drift. The fact that I could still talk about it but not want to is very disturbing. I just wasn’t in the right mind. Still not.

It’s been half an hour since my fingers are typing these words out. So, I’ll just let them run over the keyboards for a few minutes more. I don’t think these extended whatever moments help me figure out what’s going on or that I’m able to write anything wonderful for that matter. In fact, I’m just writing more non-purposive craps and just keep going. To know what it feels like…ahh, this mere moment of nothingness.

All is quiet. Headphones on. Still nothing playing in them.

And for all that we can hear at this hour and for all that we can see in the darkness, we are thankful. For life really only exists at this moment- when nothing really feels as good as to be at this very minute; to just smile for no real reason.

Everyday is Sunday when you’re unemployed.

Aloha,
r_L

;-)

NIL post for May!!!