#Rant 101

So here I am spending some of my precious Saturday morning hours in bed, writing away to you know who about you know what. Well nothing mysterious about that; thought I’d be more creative in telling the usual stories of mine a.k.a rants while keeping you busy to read on. Wink.

I guess the page is lacking more and more life since I don’t know when. Or perhaps I was just being unenthusiastic to share what has been going on in my life as it has been getting more and more personal. And when I say personal, it does not necessarily mean I’m all messed up or too busy catching up with stuff. In fact, life has been good and that I’ve been receiving a lot more blessing than I have ever been up till now. Alhamdulillah :)

Well I feel that when you have some goodness happening around you or to you, it’s best shared with everyone else who deserves the same feeling and thus, a celebration of joy. I have been through many wonderful experiences as of late and met many amazing people- even falling in love with some of them. The world’s pleasure is too much to be kept only to yourself that you can have so little at one time; but if shared with everyone else, it feels like you have a little bit of everything at any given moment. Ain’t that awesome?

I can’t remember the reason why I first started writing up this blog. Was I trying to prove anything, believing I could channel my thoughts into something better? I highly doubt that. I rant because it’s fun I could care less if I ever made any sense at all. Or was it because out of boredom? That’s more likely. It doesn’t matter though, I still don’t see why I’m doing what I’m doing sometimes. Many times I went to my room to get my mobile/books/you name it- anything, I'd completely forgotten about the task. I could blame it on where my mind had wandered - but this always happens. I walk into a room and forget what I went in there for. Maybe I'm so over the past and so in the moment that freshness finds me around every corner. Or it's a classic case of short term memory loss brought on by too many hours gazing directly into the sun and the amazing sky. What was I writing about?

Or maybe this is the reason why I blog after all- I just love to write. I guess Love is back in the season. It’s back in a different form, with more energy to fill you up with and a lot warmer this coming summer. I may just change the blog title to Lovemovesthroughyou, as I feel love is in the movement. But maybe not. God is Love, Compassion, Blessing in Himself and thus owns the many eternal attributes that defining Him as Love alone won’t do justice. So God stays :)

Speaking of which, it’s already February and I’ve almost forgotten about my coming age. I’m turning 23(?) soon and I resolve to be more resourceful this year (this was actually last year’s brought forward) because it’s the perfect beginning of my day. If anything, I would love to see how my creativity just grows and floors on me with time. And I believe writing is one of it. It excites my brain cells in different ways yet I feel my inner self interconnected with my surrounding. I feel more alive when I have the freedom to talk when I write and be honest about it. I am more myself when I let my inner strength shine forth. It is as good as being around your loved ones and let loose.

The last time I got home it was both sunny and rainy. Everybody loves the sun. It just brings out the best in them. Rainy KL is like a wet old dog. It smells like shit but you've been friends for so long you can't help but feel a little love.

Oh yes, I’m planning to come home again soon. So are you :)

r_L

Feels like home. Again :)

To err is human, to arr is pirate.

Look what I found on Google today :)

#2 Monolog.

Bukan mudah mengenal hati. Hati yang bisu tak bermakna lesu, kaku. Hati yang serasi tak semestinya difahami. Hati manusia pada dasarnya sama. Punya keinginan dan rasa. Yang membezakan isi, hanya tujuan dan alasan. Tugas dan kepentingan. Beruntunglah mereka yang mengamati hakikat hati lalu melaksanakan. Bukan sekadar pengamatan biasa, bahkan yang diperhalusi jiwa lantas hidup. Rasa seperti diterima alam dan disayangi Tuhan. Sungguh, aku iri hati dengan kekuatan yang satu itu.


Kukira manusia punya perspektif yang berbeza. Ada yang menganggap cita rasa semuanya sama namun berbeza pembawaannya. Seorang teman bisa menganggap hidup ini aneh, tapi indah. Dalam, tapi mudah. Aku juga merasa yang demikian. Namun bezanya, mungkin terletak pada nilai ‘mudah’ itu. Mudah baginya mungkin sukar bagiku. Atau juga sukar baginya namun mudah bagiku. Mungkin itulah menjadi titik tolak perbezaan dan persamaan insan. Indah bukan? Sengaja dibangkitkan perihal manusia yang macam macam. Sekadar curiga dengan kerja Tuhan.

Mungkin ada yang berasa tidak adil tiapkali aku membicarakan soal hati dan Tuhan dalam satu posisi yang selari. Seperti mengolah setiap sesuatu daripada sudut agama, terus minatnya untuk mengetahui langsung tawar. Mungkin ada yang berasa ia harus dibawa dalam satu perspektif yang lain, di mana hati itu harus dikenali atas dirinya sendiri. Tidakkah kau fikir aku telah cuba?


Hati itu bisa keliru apabila dibiar tergantung, tidak beralas. Gelisah tatkala melanggar fitrah. Hai, begitu sukarkah mengenal hati lantas mengawal? Benar, jika hati itu rimas bila lemas. Malas tika puas. Aku gagal membawa ia jauh dalam pengasingan. Hati itu benar-benar telah lekat dalam diri, bersatu dalam entiti manusia. Matinya hati, matilah manusia sebelum ajalnya. Hidupnya hati, maka hiduplah kau berkali-kali. Bagaimana, masih sukarkah kau mengenal seketul daging itu?


Barangkali aku dapat mengenal hati, barangkali tidak sampai mati. Barangkali aku dapat mengenali sesuatu yang lain yang lebih penting daripada hati. Barangkali juga aku ini manusia aneh. Punya keinginan dan rasa yang aneh. Tetapi inilah yang menjadi sebahagian daripada diriku, yang aku berharap dapat meliputi segenap akal dan jiwaku. Inilah kesukaranku, inilah kemudahanku. Inilah kemahuan dan pilihanku. Tatkala manusia tidak mampu bersabar dengan kemahuan mereka, aku mempelajari erti sabar daripada kemahuanku. Kerana aku mahu pada Tuhanku, ingin pada kasih sayangNya. Nah, mahukah aku tunjukkan lagi apa yang enggan engkau fahami?