Posto! Posto!

So weekend is finally here, but it’s ending soon. It’s been 3 weeks since. Sure, how time flies. It was a tough week for me overall (compared to the previous weeks, really). There were tears and laughter throughout… an obvious indication of the emotions- all of which were running high. Time was never enough well adjusted, as I wanted it to be. I never got to finish the whole pre-reading thing in time. And I was pretty much affected by those around me who were living their lives like nothing bad ever happened and that it was probably the best week (if not, nothing unusual) ever! Okay, so I might not be the only one who’d been in tears (and getting all touchy-feely about things). In fact, those expressions weren’t published to public. Reason being; I just couldn’t let them. Well yes, there were some who were somehow able to read those signs using whatever mechanism hidden therein. Yet, I still couldn’t tell them about the whole recurring story of my life as much as I wanted to. I didn’t know how. Plus, I wasn’t so sure about the expectations and how would they react to those things or would they actually react at all. I’m pretty sure that they also knew that the things that I thought a lot about just don’t have a definite answer. I’d be disappointed either way. So the only existence I could rely on was God, still is, and to Him alone I pray to make firm of my heart and faith and make me a stronger person each day. I’m afraid if I ever told a person, any person in fact… the outcome wouldn’t be so pretty. He/ she would tell me how I think too much unnecessarily and that I should cut myself some slack and something along those lines. So, I don’t bother. I do believe in one thing though, that if anything, no one has the right to take something that you feel most important to you, away from you… no one but yourself. Even if what is right is wrong, (yet that’s another thing to ponder about) you’ll find it out eventually. The truth. All I’m saying is that you may not always get the answer right away easily, but you can definitely direct yourself to it, to what you believe is right in your heart, your intuition, your subconscious mind… the answer is within (no matter how trite that sounds, yes).

Ahh, meanwhile, I’ve been struggling- doing my best here as much as I can. True, it’s been hard adjusting but I’m not giving in. So things are just getting started and that maybe, I’m not pushing start yet. I just realized the very fact that it’s actually difficult to make balance of the things you want to strive for in this life and of course, the next life… which I believe, it is almost and perhaps, the most logical thing to say that it’s even more difficult to fulfill something important without denying or striving less for something which also appears equally important. It can also be described as in another situation where it is impossible to completely fulfill one’s right without oppressing or denying the right of others. The bottom line is: you can’t make everyone happy…or yourself happy as always, but that still depends on how much you’re willing to sacrifice your own things to get all that, be them anything (without having yourself killed, of course, as in this case- that’s the limit) and deep down I know I haven’t given much as a Muslim.

Alright, so I believe some might think that I’m being overly depressed now as they go on reading these lines… I tell you what, I AM NOT. Lol. Even when you want me to, really. So stop analyzing my feelings from this point forward when I’m pretty sure I know what I am feeling or not feeling. I’m not always negative about myself, but even so, I don’t expect myself to be all positive and optimistic, either. Why, it’s hard enough to be it and stay that way. So I breakdown a lot these days, I don’t eat well and that I may not read enough or too much. But I AM giving myself some space indeed- a space to relax and spread out. Not too much nor too far… just about enough. Don’t get me wrong, I appreciate your concern I do. And trust me, if anything, I am the most grateful person on Earth to be cared about but just please, don’t treat me like I’m some kind of problematic and impossible kid to deal with who needs special and undivided attention. It’s just that one has to know that different people have different ways of being at ease. Who knows, I might go crazy and be at peace. Haha. So being crazy is another thing, but you get my drift lol. Now that you know the fact, don’t tell me “to cut me some slack” when you don’t even know what that means!

No hard feelings, people. Me loves you guys.

ALL SMILES,
r_L

Adios~

Uni life begins tomorrow. Finally.
So I may not be around here as much as I want to.
But anyways, I'm glad to have been here all this while :)
So many thanks to each one of YOU for keeping me here (or away)!
...until the next post,

Goodbye everyone!

XOXOXO

Whatever.

Sigh. Nothing is going right at home, I’m bored, no responsibilities, can’t even motivate myself to get involved with anything or anyone and just feel generally low. Maybe it’s time to replan that whole pre-Kuantan thing. Then again, 9 days seem too short a time for all the troubles eh? Good God, bless the procrastinator in me.

Anyways, here I am, a well known food thief… y’know, the one who sneaks out for some "light snacks" in the dark, particularly at midnight when everyone else is asleep. Or perhaps just a room refrigerator breaker. It’s not like I’m craving or anything *rolls eyes* but I just feel like eating. Lol. Leah thinks I eat a lot, while Dad suggests that perhaps it’s a lot more normal to see me eat that much. I somehow “solve” the problem by coming up with a typical excuse that I bet no one ever believes- that I’ll marry a chef someday… living by a weak basis of marriage where he’d cook for me and feed me like a princess. But they would definitely buy it, if the guy left me the next day for no reason. Lol. Alright, so I eat like a horse, yet not a vegan… I EAT A HORSE or possibly anything. From a whole cake to crumbs, I’ll have them down like nothing else. I’m a small woman, blessed with a giant appetite in me. So marry me, please? ;)

All crap aside, I had a great time with Leah today. We talked like there’s no tomorrow! Which is true by the way. I won’t be seeing her much until God knows when. Too bad she had a spill of sambal or chili paste on her cloth when we had nasi lemak for breakfast, which funnily gave her a new T pattern on it- an absolute identification. Like, everyone, I’m a woman. Can you see my uterus? LMAO. So she wished we never met today. But I guess she prolly just realized that it didn’t take much to make my day anyway. XD

So alright, just as I thought these ideas were oozing out, they sounded lame the moment I had a second read. It’s 2.29 AM in the morning and these brownies taste sooo good.


I’m a butt of all the jokes,
God, make me wonderful!


Me-out.

Coldplaying.

Given everything contained within, it's fitting that Coldplay decided to saddle their new album with two seemingly disparate titles (it's called Viva la Vida or Death and All His Friends, in case you weren't aware). Because if anything, it's the most bipolar thing they've ever done. Lol.

Then again, I forgot how much I loved them. They were the sound that I grew up with. No kidding. And I'm still upset about the rumours that have been going around- of them disbanding(?) Trust me, I'll cut every tongue of those who said such thing! All I know is that they'll only continue to rock on the music planet-

"We won't do another album until we think we've written the best songs in history, and that could take a while," Martin said. "So we could be waiting, 20 years or 50 years. Who knows? Our next record seems like a long way away."'

There you go!