Wednesday, December 24, 2008

Have you thanked a seaweed before?

Alright, so I've been away for so long now that it's hard to get back and write a few words here. Well, I've been sushisised ( as Leah woulda put it) but that's not entirely false. My appetite went pretty crazy lately it didn't matter why I was so. Well, anyways, here are some of the things that I'd been having 3 weeks in a row... to sum it all up:


Unagi sushi


...and more sushis

Black pepper udon

California roll

I need help.
I've had too much of these.


Saturday, December 6, 2008

This all time weekender is home for a short while.



Oh yeah, me having a good time, no worries.

Happy Eidul-Adha to all Muslim fellows. Have a joyous celebration! ;-)


Saturday, November 29, 2008

Gone going.

Current track: Hachimitsu
Artist: Spitz

I’m going HOME this coming Thursday/Friday.
… but before that, I’ve gotta go through this nothing-mini-about-this-mini-test-thing.
Then only we’re talking! ;-)

So best wishes to all those test takers…
and pray for moi, s’il-te-plaĆ®t! >,<


Friday, November 21, 2008

Oh. Well.

We have the propensity to believe. Or belie.

I believe that humans tend to appreciate things better in little quantity. Or when it doesn’t exist at the moment when we want it so badly. Kinda like getting half a scoop of ice cream now at this ungodly hour, perhaps I’d be more than happy.

Alright, so getting half a scoop won’t suffice. I just belied myself.

Then again, I believe in the goodness of Life- of random kindness. And of things. I believe in whatever you choose to believe in. I believe in your decisions and dreams. Yes, I might believe in just about anything- because I’m a damned believer in all sorts of goodness. And it feels so right and natural.

For some reason, I know the fact that by just believing isn’t enough. Eventually there’ll be a moment when your belief is put to test- whether or not what you believe is real or just what it is that you really believe in after all. But all I know is that whatever happened to you in the past is not happening now. You will be safe behind your honest decisions and mood swings, I promise.

…meanwhile, from another dimension- I sense that Love has begun to remove the clothing of Life and granted you its naked perspective. The beauty of the naked difference is gloriously vast. Be inspiring or get inspired. Love looks good on you ;-)

Happy Friday, all of yous.

p.s: Happy 20th Birthday, Kamilah ( yes, I know it’s been over a week!)

p.p.s: .....and have a glorious 20th birthday today, Anis ;-)


Saturday, November 8, 2008


It's been an annoying day week.

...but Life gets better nearing the final hour :-)
so all's well that ends well~

oh btw, here's to pain- I'll never like you.


Sunday, November 2, 2008

I am taken... so are YOU.

Sounds like: Valerie by James Morrison (originally by The Zutons)

*To grappymewlon, (pe name ni weh? haha) thanks for the tag!*

1. I’m a fickle-minded woman and a lifetime sufferer.

2. I take pleasure in sophistication through plainness. The outcomes aren’t always pretty but I’m enjoying the beauty.

3. I love reading/writing all sorts of poetry/ haikus/ conundrums/ prose etc. Yes, I’m a romanticist who’s indifferent in the society, thank you.

4. I’m terrible at guitars but it’s hard to keep my hands off em.

5. I've been writing since I was 9. A few editions of nothing unusual were documented. None ever published though.

6. I'm generally painless to those who know me. But people find it more common otherwise.

7. I love bananas. And I would know if one piece went missing. Call me berkira but no one steals my bananas unless my generosity kicks in! Haha. No hard feelings la :)

So that’s pretty much it. And by the way, referring to my previous post, the feedback I was getting wasn’t what I anticipated at all. Specifically about my singularity- that it was actually something to be discussed. I find it amusing somehow. But I wasn’t lying when I mentioned about my being single but taken in a sense. I meant every word.

Then again, aren’t we all taken in a sense?

So I am technically single for simplicity sake. But no single being is absolutely single as they rightfully claim to be. You are taken in a sense that you are loved by everyone (if not, by any caring person) and cherished by many wonderful friends. Sure, it seems like you are pretty attached to every single being in your life, yet not quite like it. You are free to run and live your own life like no one else’s business- all the while trying to fall in love and be rejected. I am taken in a sense that I belong to God; as do all dominions belong to Him :-)

Okay, so this is not just some usual sense. This is a special kind of sense. But I AM special, so are YOU.

I guess you shouldn’t have taken me literally. Or maybe I should have been less complex so to speak. Or maybe I’m just crazy by definition. Gosh, I’m such a pain in the a** after all.

But do you believe me now that we are ALL taken in every sense?

Yes, I am taken… so are you!

*kudos to Anis*

See you soon freaks,


Friday, October 24, 2008

A cow's been TAGGED!

35 littl​e secre​ts : ​Be hones​t no matte​r what!​ (r_L: okay, I’ll try >,<)
Who was your last tag from?
Where​ was your myspace defau​lt pic taken​?
​…back in matriculation. room 306. pretty cool view.
Are you a happy​ perso​n?
I’m a happy cow!
Your relat​ionsh​ip statu​s?
Single, but pretty taken in a sense.
Have you ever lost a close​ frien​d?​
Yes. He was greatly missed.
What is your curre​nt mood?
What'​s one of your siste​rs names​?
Raja Nur Hamizah (my nothing alike twin)
What'​ s your favor​ite color​?
Rainbow :-)
If you could​ go back in time and chang​e somet​hing,​ would​ you?
No, I’d prolly do the same thing over and over. Haha.
Have a crazy​ side?
I’m on Prozac! ( Lol, jk…I may be but not to such extent la hadei )
Ever had a near death​ exper​ience​?
​I sleep like a dead log, yes…( uh, does that count?)
Who Did You Last Hug?
Are you mad at anyon​e right​ now?
No…why would I be? :-)
What'​s stopp​ing you from going​ for the perso​n you like?
I believe the right question for me would be “Is there anyone you like YET?”Lmao.
When was the last time you cried​?​
Bila eh?
Who would​ you do anyth​ing for?
My family. My food. My cows.
Are you happy​ with your life?
​Pretty much, yes.
Whats​ your favor​ite numbe​r?
Is there​ someo​ne that you will never​ stop lovin​g?
​Yes, some six, and more.
Is it attra​ctive​ to you when a guy/girl smoke​s?​
Not really.
Do you get scare​d easil​y?​
That depends.
Do you speak​ any other​ langu​age?
Ye saye.
Do you have any pets?​
No, but if I could keep a real life bear… I defs would!
Descr​ibe your life in one word?​
Have you ever kisse​d in the rain?
What are you think​ing of right​ now?
What shoul​d you be doing​ right​ now?
Dreaming. Of ice cream to be exact.
Who are you think​ing of right​ now?
My cows.
What are you liste​ning to?
Humble Me by Norah Jones. Lovely song, really :-)
Who was the last perso​n you told I love you to?
Who was the last perso​n you yelle​d at?
Uh, my cow.
Do you act diffe​rentl​y aroun​d the perso​n you like?
Lol. I just might but why would I?
What is your natur​al hair color​?​
We cows don’t have ANY to begin with lol.
Who was the last perso​n to make you smile​?
Who am I tagging next?
Leah. Yes, it’ s YOU, cow. No pressure ;-)

Friday, October 3, 2008

To feel or not to feel...

This moment feels like, whatever. Yknow, kinda like going through a day where you feel like nothing really matters… you won’t care how you look like waking up with that pillow hair… let alone wonder what day is it really ‘cos you’re not looking forward to weekends or any days in fact. Then just smile at yourself in front of the mirror, WITHOUT being a usual cynic (who knows the price of everything and the value of nothing) and still not affected by the ‘do but happy enough with a comb over to start the day with…

And everything is fine.

It is not right to ask me whether I’ve gone bald or not, though that’s not entirely wrong to know the truth. But it’ll be more interesting to find out why do I always have issues with hair for God’s sake(?) Well, I’d like to know that myself so maybe we can just have an honest and a peaceful discussion without needing to pull each other’s hair ‘cos I just can’t afford to lose some more, thank you. Haha.

Alright, so that sounds familiar. Well yeh, this could be the 2nd post to that of previous one…the one on bad hair day thing, so to speak. Except that this time, I’m not gonna complain about my hair being whatever or someone else’s hair for that matter… (well, truth is, mine’s doing fine alright though STILL not that kind of amazing, either, but whatever). One thing really, I’m starting to grow my love for it alright. By just being generally appreciative and adaptive. I find this attitude amazing. It pleases me. Very…ve..ry…

Gosh. It’s been a while since I felt like I was myself again. The usual different self, which has been “taken away” from me the as of late. Part of me was glad that I got to be another usual self more often; while another part of me just missed that old feeling. Why, it seems like I’m a two-faced woman now…but not an impostor, you see. I guess it’s just hard to justify when you’re arguing with yourself, really. And today I just read some random post on the net which gave me a totally unrelated feeling, where the writing was so real it felt like I was finally meeting someone with whom I could just sit down and have a meaningful conversation, though I'd likely just stare at that one person and listen intently with tears in my eyes. It feels amazing. No kidding.

So today’s lesson: Nothing is final. One day you’re high. The next day you’re low. You might have a funky, expressive, or awful haircut today, but soon it will grow into something else, something new and random. Maybe you grew up liking pop music and boy bands, but now you like a specific mash up of Electronic & Classical. You might decide you don’t want to smoke cigarettes anymore; that it’s just not who you are. Perhaps you were madly in love last week, but woke up today feeling comfort in solitude, without a desire to be held.

And everything is fine. Not finAL.

Tomorrow is another story- I might not be feeling like I am today… but I do believe that the future is so bright that I just gotta wear em shades and feel awesome.

Just let your inner light shine forth!

Right on,

Sunday, September 28, 2008

Ads on!


ANYWAYS, BACK TO YOU PEOPLE... (dearest classmates especially) :-)


please click here for more info!

Okay, that's it. I'm done till the next post :-)


Thursday, September 25, 2008

Sunday, September 21, 2008


Introducing my oh-so-new roomie+buggie+stalkie= Anis(h)!



Saturday, September 20, 2008

Lookin' up and above

The sky is my favourite. It’s the perfect background for anything that comes between it and the ground, while the sun is just a powerful element…its light is so fantastic that it’s able to brighten up the entire sky. Plus, the clouds are just as amazing- they work like white brushes; running free across the sky yet they create a massive art like nothing ever created. Subhanallah. It’s miraculous how God’s creations work in silent, yet the upshot is overwhelming.

One late evening.

Have you not seen how God makes the clouds move gently, then joins them together, then makes them into a stack, and then you see the rain come out of it.... (Quran, 24:43)


Monday, September 1, 2008

1 Ramadhan 1429H

Alhamdulillah... Ramadhan is here, finally!


p/s: ... and Happy Merdeka, MALAYSIA!

Wednesday, August 20, 2008

And here's another one...

Okay, so here's a few more words before I leave this page alone lol. I know I just have to write this down. That one picture I posted earlier was not enough to describe the good days I've been having so to speak. I remember how addicted I was with picture taking. I was never good with cameras, though I planned of having my own someday… meanwhile Ng is up for a Lomo type(!) Haha, it’s always the old school thingy that gets us best, yes. So currently I’ve been eyeing this Polaroid… why, it almost feels like impossible to get one now. The film is quite expensive, so I was told. But I’m not giving up. As I think I told you before, Polaroid is one of the coolest things you can ever own- why, it’s instant, fresh and so demm natural. Kinda like having a fun yet serious companion (yes, that involves money and commitment!)

Okay, that aside, here is a random picture I took years ago, while I browsed through my old collection :)

I was in my final year of high school when I took this picture. I remember that I was late for school but somehow managed to take this one with class while on the run! Lol. Anyways, it still looks awesome just the way I remembered it. Of how the morning smelled like fresh grass and yes, the cool breeze. It really feels good recalling the moment now though, perhaps… especially so. It was one of the best mornings I ever had back then. If I were to worry about being late at that moment and just walked away, I definitely wouldn’t have the chance to talk about how amazing the morning was. I’m just glad I took the picture otherwise.

Unfortunately, though, I don’t take as much pictures like I used to, now. And I’m not sure when will I ever start again. In the meantime, I just box them skies with my fingers…true, the sky is too big to fit into the frame but there goes my imaginary camera. No films needed, just some space of your photographic memory...then, pray that the beautiful moments will stick in your head for as long as you breathe and let live :)

Alright, so pictures just do me wonders. No, rather God does. And I love surprises and coincidences. I love them even more when I don't pass them off as luck, but rather recognize them as a sign that my life's course is right on track.

And for all those countless blessings around me, I thank You God for the Heaven and the Earth.



So me is back for another atypically typical post. I’d like to apologize for whatever I wrote in the previous one, which might have caused some people emotional disturbances. LMAO. If anything, that was just me writing out loud (again!). Hee. And yes, I now know one obvious fact though- no one likes a whiner, especially one who’s living within her own fantastical dream. :)

Anyways, speaking of which- it’s strange sometimes how dreams get under your skin and give your heart a test for what’s real and what’s imaginary. Yesternite, I had a weird dream as if going to bed mad about God knows what. I prolly would have had it written if I knew what it was about, but I just couldn’t remember. Lol. So I spent a few long minutes this morning calming myself down and apologizing to my soul and her sisters for my dreamy outbursts. Along with this journal post of chasing down the absurd, a long shower and healthy meditation have brought me back to earth. Should I relapse after this I’ll just take myself spending. This page is great for that.

I peeked open the drapes and the most powerful of white lights burst into the room. It looks humid, but a beautiful day to have off.

Have a good day, all of yous.

Sunday, July 20, 2008

Posto! Posto!

So weekend is finally here, but it’s ending soon. It’s been 3 weeks since. Sure, how time flies. It was a tough week for me overall (compared to the previous weeks, really). There were tears and laughter throughout… an obvious indication of the emotions- all of which were running high. Time was never enough well adjusted, as I wanted it to be. I never got to finish the whole pre-reading thing in time. And I was pretty much affected by those around me who were living their lives like nothing bad ever happened and that it was probably the best week (if not, nothing unusual) ever! Okay, so I might not be the only one who’d been in tears (and getting all touchy-feely about things). In fact, those expressions weren’t published to public. Reason being; I just couldn’t let them. Well yes, there were some who were somehow able to read those signs using whatever mechanism hidden therein. Yet, I still couldn’t tell them about the whole recurring story of my life as much as I wanted to. I didn’t know how. Plus, I wasn’t so sure about the expectations and how would they react to those things or would they actually react at all. I’m pretty sure that they also knew that the things that I thought a lot about just don’t have a definite answer. I’d be disappointed either way. So the only existence I could rely on was God, still is, and to Him alone I pray to make firm of my heart and faith and make me a stronger person each day. I’m afraid if I ever told a person, any person in fact… the outcome wouldn’t be so pretty. He/ she would tell me how I think too much unnecessarily and that I should cut myself some slack and something along those lines. So, I don’t bother. I do believe in one thing though, that if anything, no one has the right to take something that you feel most important to you, away from you… no one but yourself. Even if what is right is wrong, (yet that’s another thing to ponder about) you’ll find it out eventually. The truth. All I’m saying is that you may not always get the answer right away easily, but you can definitely direct yourself to it, to what you believe is right in your heart, your intuition, your subconscious mind… the answer is within (no matter how trite that sounds, yes).

Ahh, meanwhile, I’ve been struggling- doing my best here as much as I can. True, it’s been hard adjusting but I’m not giving in. So things are just getting started and that maybe, I’m not pushing start yet. I just realized the very fact that it’s actually difficult to make balance of the things you want to strive for in this life and of course, the next life… which I believe, it is almost and perhaps, the most logical thing to say that it’s even more difficult to fulfill something important without denying or striving less for something which also appears equally important. It can also be described as in another situation where it is impossible to completely fulfill one’s right without oppressing or denying the right of others. The bottom line is: you can’t make everyone happy…or yourself happy as always, but that still depends on how much you’re willing to sacrifice your own things to get all that, be them anything (without having yourself killed, of course, as in this case- that’s the limit) and deep down I know I haven’t given much as a Muslim.

Alright, so I believe some might think that I’m being overly depressed now as they go on reading these lines… I tell you what, I AM NOT. Lol. Even when you want me to, really. So stop analyzing my feelings from this point forward when I’m pretty sure I know what I am feeling or not feeling. I’m not always negative about myself, but even so, I don’t expect myself to be all positive and optimistic, either. Why, it’s hard enough to be it and stay that way. So I breakdown a lot these days, I don’t eat well and that I may not read enough or too much. But I AM giving myself some space indeed- a space to relax and spread out. Not too much nor too far… just about enough. Don’t get me wrong, I appreciate your concern I do. And trust me, if anything, I am the most grateful person on Earth to be cared about but just please, don’t treat me like I’m some kind of problematic and impossible kid to deal with who needs special and undivided attention. It’s just that one has to know that different people have different ways of being at ease. Who knows, I might go crazy and be at peace. Haha. So being crazy is another thing, but you get my drift lol. Now that you know the fact, don’t tell me “to cut me some slack” when you don’t even know what that means!

No hard feelings, people. Me loves you guys.


Saturday, June 28, 2008


Uni life begins tomorrow. Finally.
So I may not be around here as much as I want to.
But anyways, I'm glad to have been here all this while :)
So many thanks to each one of YOU for keeping me here (or away)!
...until the next post,

Goodbye everyone!


Friday, June 20, 2008


Sigh. Nothing is going right at home, I’m bored, no responsibilities, can’t even motivate myself to get involved with anything or anyone and just feel generally low. Maybe it’s time to replan that whole pre-Kuantan thing. Then again, 9 days seem too short a time for all the troubles eh? Good God, bless the procrastinator in me.

Anyways, here I am, a well known food thief… y’know, the one who sneaks out for some "light snacks" in the dark, particularly at midnight when everyone else is asleep. Or perhaps just a room refrigerator breaker. It’s not like I’m craving or anything *rolls eyes* but I just feel like eating. Lol. Leah thinks I eat a lot, while Dad suggests that perhaps it’s a lot more normal to see me eat that much. I somehow “solve” the problem by coming up with a typical excuse that I bet no one ever believes- that I’ll marry a chef someday… living by a weak basis of marriage where he’d cook for me and feed me like a princess. But they would definitely buy it, if the guy left me the next day for no reason. Lol. Alright, so I eat like a horse, yet not a vegan… I EAT A HORSE or possibly anything. From a whole cake to crumbs, I’ll have them down like nothing else. I’m a small woman, blessed with a giant appetite in me. So marry me, please? ;)

All crap aside, I had a great time with Leah today. We talked like there’s no tomorrow! Which is true by the way. I won’t be seeing her much until God knows when. Too bad she had a spill of sambal or chili paste on her cloth when we had nasi lemak for breakfast, which funnily gave her a new T pattern on it- an absolute identification. Like, everyone, I’m a woman. Can you see my uterus? LMAO. So she wished we never met today. But I guess she prolly just realized that it didn’t take much to make my day anyway. XD

So alright, just as I thought these ideas were oozing out, they sounded lame the moment I had a second read. It’s 2.29 AM in the morning and these brownies taste sooo good.

I’m a butt of all the jokes,
God, make me wonderful!


Wednesday, June 18, 2008


Given everything contained within, it's fitting that Coldplay decided to saddle their new album with two seemingly disparate titles (it's called Viva la Vida or Death and All His Friends, in case you weren't aware). Because if anything, it's the most bipolar thing they've ever done. Lol.

Then again, I forgot how much I loved them. They were the sound that I grew up with. No kidding. And I'm still upset about the rumours that have been going around- of them disbanding(?) Trust me, I'll cut every tongue of those who said such thing! All I know is that they'll only continue to rock on the music planet-

"We won't do another album until we think we've written the best songs in history, and that could take a while," Martin said. "So we could be waiting, 20 years or 50 years. Who knows? Our next record seems like a long way away."'

There you go!

Sunday, May 25, 2008

Saturday, May 24, 2008

"Think BIG! Riches! Power! Pretend you could have ANYthing!"

This strip has become a personal philosophy for me the as of late. I guess the idea of being happy is very simple, though many of us think as one grows up, happiness is very earthly. Why, it doesn't last! Well yeah, even if that is the case, I don't think one should worry about how long will it last or whether one will ever have the chance to be happy again at all. I have to say, though, that whatever happiness we might have in the past, may not be the same as of today. So what about time and all that stuff? That's not our job to think about it. What really matters only lies in the present, where each day is created anew or otherwise becomes a revival of joy of something created in the past. Either way it spells happiness. So do whatever you feel like doing now. Go grab an ice cream... let it melt for a while; see if you can stay smart. Or be a doofus. Like me. Let's ALL strive to be happy.

The best remedy for those who are afraid, lonely or unhappy is to go outside, somewhere where they can be quiet, alone with the heavens, nature and God. Because only then does one feel that all is as it should be and that God wishes to see people happy, amidst the simple beauty of nature.

*P.S: To Leah, if you're reading this, though wherever you may be- I have to put that hair post on hold. It seems like, my hair is doing incredibly good these days(!) Well, of course, not that kind of wonderful good, yknow what I mean. Haha. I don't mind making it up though, just that it'll be more fun when it really happens. As in really going through it. Lol. In the meantime, there's nothing much to fuss about. So yeh, just bear with these few posts until I come up with that one as requested ;-)

**P.P.S: By the way, I've got a question for you, "Can a cow scratch its head with its back leg?" Otherwise, I'm not sure why I'm making this one a public letter now lol. Don't bother :-)


Saturday, May 17, 2008


I needed something funny. To laugh my ass off. And needless to say, this one worked. Why, Jason never fails to keep my sanity(!) Then again, I meant nothing so as to offend the Creed fans and the like...

But really, I was totally "moved" by this one. A brilliant impersonation. Haha.



Friday, May 2, 2008

"Do you LIKE her??"

This is the first strip that mentions Susie Derkins. She's pretty much the girl that Calvin has a crush on but makes fun of as to remove any question of the fact. This strip also shows how much of a smart-ass Hobbes is, which kicks ass.

Ahh, I, too, always have troubles when it comes to identifying things. Or feelings. Or just both. Ha-ha.

denying denial,

Brownies rule!

Brownies rule!

Yep. You heard me right. These little creatures are amazing. Just baked them a few hours ago. And they’re extremely melt-in-the-mouth wonderful and marvelous. The making wasn’t so difficult either; I managed to have it done within an hour. With a few personal touch and fun-tastic prune flavour, this is indeed a record I must say! ;-)

Sigh. Not sure if I could keep them till tomorrow, though… let alone Sunday. (Oh hey, twinnie, I’ll leave you a square… with extra crumbs on it. No worries.) Haha.

All in all, I am just glad I have achieved something today (yeh, I was bored to tears throughout the week!) So what a relief, finally. Hmm, to those who’d like to try some of these, my word: give it a shot. It's really worth trying! Haha. Alright, I didn’t create the recipe myself… so, here’s the biggest secret: Jamie is my brownie saviour!!!

Also, you can get the recipe here:



Sunday, April 20, 2008


I always identified with Calvin as a child (I suppose you could say I still do), and this strip pretty much sums up what being a kid like Calvin is like. Constantly feeling out of sync with the rest of the world, and thus retreating to the world you create for yourself in your mind. If you think about it, Calvin was really quite an anomaly in popular entertainment -- not just in comics, but in anything, be it movies, TV, etc. He has no friends, and no extracurricular activities; the only people he ever sees are his parents, who he has a strained relationship with, and Moe, Susie, Rosalyn, and Miss Wormwood, all of whom he detests and all of whom detest him. The only person he ever has any real interaction with exists only in his head. He is, for all intents and purposes, completely alone. And he's fine with that. The kind of kid most people would entirely ignore all through school is not generally the kind you make the star of your show, and yet the strip became hugely successful.

I know that people of all ages enjoyed Calvin and Hobbes, but I have to think that it meant even more to those of us who grew up with him. Going to school every day and seeing all the ways we didn't fit in, it was nice to see someone like us, who was intelligent and independent, and didn't need to be a smile-plastered Mouseketeer to enjoy life. Though numerous motivational posters and guidance councelors and after-school specials had said it again and again, it was Calvin who managed to truly express the idea—without being preachy, without being sappy, perhaps even without trying—that it was okay to be different.

"...but don't YOU go anywhere"

Okay, so I might have just turned this into some kind of comic page. Right.
But what makes Calvin & Hobbes the greatest ever is its ability to make you laugh your ass off, and identify with it.

What makes it one of the great treasures of our culture is its ability to invoke emotions that you never thought you'd spend on a comic strip.

This one's positively touching.

Friday, April 18, 2008

It's for whatever sh** you live for!

*courtesy of Leah, an old friend, a new bugger!*

Okay, so here’s the real thing. I thought it’d be wise to start off the post for the month with a few lines of poetry. To show that I’d been working on something, yknow. Haha. I’m not sure if you guys ever saw that as an effort, though. Otherwise, I’ve been looking forward to writing something different for my poetry. A new way of saying. “Love kills”. Haha. Just kidding. I knew if I were to put that forward, my life would mock me! So anyways, THANK YOU for sticking around…

Well, speaking of which, I’ve just started my short semester before I finally graduate from college (then off to med school, hopefully). And I’ve been experiencing these awkward moments. Again. Not in a bad way though. Just awkward, as in trying to fit in with everything and everyone around you after a while. Well, being home alone during the holidays and not meeting enough people kinda explains all that. It almost feels like taking a caveman out for a walk around the city. But it’s not as shocking you see, it’s something I have quite expected in fact. Maybe I just don’t know how to react when these things actually happen. So, yeh, awkward is just the word!

By the way, despite all that craps, I really have to thank some people who’d been there, especially when I was at my lowest point. I’d have to say my parents were the best counselors. They knew me best (absolutely) And yes, special thanks to Leah, for making my life easier! Haha. I couldn’t have done it without you, love. I don’t care what you feel upon my making this public, but hey, I have to say it otherwise! (Now don’t tell me to stop saying thanks because it’s my page I have them written on, so the words are rightfully mine!) Hehe.

All kidding aside, let me just say a few things, since I can’t really explain what’s going on with my life right now… I still can’t find the right words(!) But you see, life is a funny thing. Not ha ha funny, but ironic funny… I’m not complaining. Just making an observation. And yes, adding to that, through my weirdest life’s experience recently, of course. But one thing you guys could relate to at the very least, is the fact that nothing is ever so definite, and that you never choose something… in a funny way it chooses you! But despite the outcome, one still needs to go on, and live life to its fullest. Make every second count…

“If I knew all the words, I would write myself out of here… if I was all the colours, I would paint you pretty in gold in a picture…” – Jason Mraz.

All in all, I’m just so grateful for the life I have now, and yes, for every single thing I had had experienced throughout my whole life! It all seemed like a beautiful letdown to me now. I met all kinds of strange and wonderful beings. And through these personal experiences and studies I became aware of the infinite possibilities I had in life; possibilities so powerful I was convinced I could do anything I dreamed. Then, spread the news of love with someone special.

Ahh, things aren’t quite as scary when you’ve got God as your best friend ;-)


Monday, April 7, 2008


you were once
the sky
shining through
my April sunrise
revealing spirits
once concealed
sifting twisted,
discarded memories.

lingering heat
taste of hibiscus tea
on your lips where

words mixed
in a warm soup, enticing;
letters of the alphabet
hang on a teaspoon-
screaming, in fervor
dancing, in desperation.

our love
once burst in April rain
now lost
without gravity-
unpainted in space,
only silencing
in pain, it seems.


Friday, March 14, 2008

Yours truly

Check out this newly released vid, Jason Mraz of I'm Yours (yes, finally people, a vid!)
Well, on behalf of myself, would love to thank ALL of you who've been there throughout these amazing 19 years of my life! I had a great birthday bash, many warm wishes, and unconditional love by everyone. So, here's a great song (though not composed by me, obviously) still, it would be a great token of appreciation for you guys!



Saturday, February 9, 2008

I'll never be young again

I guess it’s been a while since I wrote about something I had had in mind long ago. Something that makes me feel like it has to be written, or otherwise forgotten; just like the rest- when everything seems to matter so much than it looks like, really. Kinda like taking a folded newspaper from my pocket, smoothing the creases carefully and read with interest some advertisements for sales. But the print mocked me, knowing that the word they spelt could have no meaning to me, really. I knew I’d soon throw it away without care and watch it twirl slowly in a ditch, to an unknown destination. A crinkled edge stared up at me, as yet unsodden, like a faint protest. But I’d be unaffected, nonetheless.

Ahh, I’m writing a prose now it seems. Maybe my life has been it, these days. In fact, there’s quite a few things that happened to me, lately. Things that seemed unimportant, unrelated, unexplainable, yet mind boggling kind of things. They were united in a conspiracy to keep me from the peace I had promised myself. And being just 20, (yes my love, I’ll be turning 20 soon) there’s no real reason not to be. Though I have yet seen the difference of being awesome-and-20 and awesome-and-wish-I-was-20, then again, no rush. I don’t think I look forward to finding “new beginnings” or “sweet closure” in this time of life. I realize that there’s no such thing after all. Things begin and end all the time, and you know it. Yes, you do. And sometimes, life does pass us by, unnoticed.

Sigh. I loathe this subject. I do. Yet, I can’t help but write a few more- about the coming of age, etc. It makes me feel like an old bag, really. But somehow, I do feel that there’s a need to have it written in the end. Ahh, it’s sort of a depressing subject matter for a posting- but life isn’t all fun and games eh? So anyways, I’ll try to keep my perspective in view and just be myself, mostly (!)

So here I am, thinking about myself and the years I’ve gone through. To be honest, there’s nothing much I could recall, really. Not even the things that I thought I would and I could remember. It’s like having new brains that need programming for the first time. Sigh. I’m such a doofus, really.

But all kidding aside- being young, as I see it so far, is perhaps, something that you won’t understand until it’s gone from you, and then it will come in flash, leaving you a little wiser than before. You won’t be lonely, you won’t be unhappy, possibly there will be a great peace and security. You’ll go on, you see, as others have gone on, just that and no more. You’ll love and live, and the rest of it. But because of stupidity, or carelessness, or a belief in the lasting glamour of things, you’ll throw away what you wanted to throw away when you feel hopeless. I guess you won’t notice any difference. You won’t know what you’re losing. And you won’t care.

Then again, I won’t let that happen. True, life is not that easy and that I’m not always happy. But I do feel much happier now than I have ever been. Though it has not all gone completely- the restlessness, the indecision and also the great heights of exultation, and the strange depths of desolation. Neither do I feel secure now, nor certain of myself, as of yet. But I know there is peace and contentment, lying around somewhere. Waiting to be found by me and the rest who deserve it.

Of the people I knew, and the things I had learnt,
There were only phases, and no more.